| | In my new home on the northern end of Sant Vincenç dels Horts, I’d grown accustomed to a staple diet of oranges, yogurt, and chocolate sandwich cookies. I’d also grown accustomed to the mullet-headed children riding bicycles, the Spain-ish lisp, the large guild of stray cats and their abandoned couch across the street from my window, and the lingering scent of baby clothing. All of these things that seemed so alien to me no more than a week earlier had fallen into my everyday life.
Grooving to British pop artist, Kate Nash, I laid on the sunny porch of the 4th floor apartment. The family had taken off for a weekend trip to Italy, so nobody else was home and I could stretch my limbs like a cul-de-sac cat. An updraft of Mediterranean wind played with the loose strands of hair that got away from my ponytail, reminding me to appreciate the simplicity of life.
When things seemed far from perfect, I have to remind myself that money does not bring happiness and that the only life I can control is my own.
I have no friends. Until today, this didn’t really occur to me—or it didn’t really sink in. I have my dad and sister back in the states who are wrapped up in their own lives, and who I talk to maybe once a week. And there are my old schoolmates from high school and college, which are small in number and with whom I seem to be gradually losing touch with. And of course, there’s the family that I live with here in Barcelona, but don’t really interact with very much due to language barriers and the fact that they are content little family that doesn’t have much time to fit anyone else into their lives. I am without peers to hang out with or to console in or to seek advice from.
Here I am nobody. I am just an unnoticeable figure wandering the streets, a blob filling up space in this family’s apartment. People don’t know me here, they don’t know what I’ve accomplished, they don’t know what I can offer. And from the attitudes I’ve received, they’ve shown that don’t care.
In Alaska I had a respectable life: an apartment, education, an active lifestyle, and friends to share times with. Sometimes when I think back on where I’ve come from and what I used to have, it seems crazy for me to have left it all behind. True, I’ve seen wonders of the world and met lovely people, but now I am homeless, jobless, out of shape, and friendless. Am I just pessimistic or is there am obvious downhill decline in my life?
Although Barcelona is a gorgeous city, I don’t seem to be able to create a niche in it for myself. This generous family that let me into their home (basically no questions asked) seem to be the only kindhearted people in this town. The mummy told me that they appreciate the help I provide around the house, but they also understand if things “just aren’t clicking here, and I need to move on.” I wasn’t sure if this was a hint for me to ‘move on’ or just a genuinely thoughtful statement—either way, it started me thinking about my options.
Yet I’m afraid that if I leave now, I will have failed at creating a life in Barcelona, and the only trace of me left in Barcelona would be a dent on their twin bed.
The only time I dance is alone on the rooftop in total silence—ears plugged into my iPod Shuffle. The only time I truly laugh is when talking on the Internet with my sister who on the opposite side the Atlantic Ocean. The only time I don’t feel alone is when I’m absorbed in a good film. And the only time I spend barefoot is when I sleep.
When I have nothing, sunshine is my only source of happiness.
Barcelona smog has stolen the sunshine.
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This isn't the most upbeat post, and it may very well be the end of my posting here. There seem to be endless amounts of new blogging websites these days. It's a very competitive market nowadays, and I'm not sure Xanga's keepin up with the times too well. I'm currently jobless, and I've come across some possible opportunities to Blog as a source of income--how crazy is that? I realize that's pretty far-fetched, but I don't really have anything to lose at this point.
The most appealing blogging site to me right now is http://matadortravel.com , a blogging site aimed at travelers. And on there, as on everywhere on the www, I am known as the one and only "akmonki". So if anybody might be reading this post, and might possibly like to continue reading my rambles then you can probably find me there.
Alrighty folks, take care & ciao for now--
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| | Posted 2/29/2008 1:29 PM - 20 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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